The Alien Within

by Gavan on April 24, 2012

So, the boy’s nearly cooked (I figured a culinary term would work well). Only 2 months to go, so all guns are blazin’ right now between the nursey, breast pump, snot suckers, baby shower and college fund. I’ll tell you what it seems like —  it’s like he’s ready to get out o’ there with all the Riverdancing he’s doing. I thought I had problems sitting still. This kid’s either listening to some techno in there or he’s just itching to get out to see us ’cause boy is he active!  Christy says it’s her favourite thing when she feels him moving around and kicking. I, on the other hand, am finding the whole ‘come feel the baby he’s kicking the shit out of me’ a little how shall we say….freaky. Listen, I can’t wait to see the little fella, that has nothing to do with it, it’s just strange trying to get get used to it.

Here’s a scenario. True story. We were on the couch the other night watchin’ a little telly (the telly isn’t actually little we just watched a little bit of it in case you were wondering. I tend to go off on these little diversions every so often. Don’t worry about it. Moving on)….aaaaanyway, Christy says “c’mere put your hand here. Feel your son.”  Of course I’m not going to say no. How can I? It’s cute and adorable and shit. So Christy puts my hand on her tummy. So far so good.  I waited 20-30 seconds…nothing. I said, “Maybe he’s tired from all the techno” so being the smart arse I am I start wiggling her tummy while making funny baby noises as one does. I know what your thinking, ‘Even the toughest guys like Gavan with all those tattoos just melts when a baby comes in the picture.’ You’re right I am severely tough but yes, there’s a time and a place for it. I thought I was well tough and smart when I started wiggling then poking her tummy until I got this massive round house kick which came across her stomach and straight into the palm of my hand. I shit you not, I jumped off that couch as if someone had shoved a cheese grater up my behind! Did I mention the rather not so tough some might say almost effeminate yelp I gave out? No? Well that’s ’cause I didn’t….realize it till Christy told me. I don’t believe her because as you all know I’m too tough for that.

I know I’m not the only one who gets freaked out by this but it is what it is. Maybe I should start a support group entitled, ‘Dudes Who Get Freaked Out by Their Missus’ Tummies Moving For No Apparent Reason Apart From the Little Person Who is in There Winding Their Daddies up.’
Catchy, no?

Eight weeks left to get used to it I suppose.

As you’re here you might as well take a gander at my previous posts on said subject. My thoughts….just my thoughts!

G’luck he says to himself. (And by he I mean me.)

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{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

Gary April 24, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Just place in the oven at 98.6 F. Don’t worry: it’s self-basting. When you hear the high-pitched alarm, it is time to remove and apply the dressing. You just add the love.

Ellen Kissane Rosenberg April 24, 2012 at 5:11 pm

Not quite ripe enough yet!!

jacqui April 24, 2012 at 8:14 pm

Haven’t baked anything in oven for this long. Hope it’s worth the wait.

Ellen W April 24, 2012 at 9:43 pm

Sorry, but you have nothing to complain about until you have had six weeks of hiccups coming from the baby that is STILL INSIDE OF YOU! Just saying…

Lyn April 25, 2012 at 6:52 am

So you did eat all the baked potaoes!!!!!

Michelle April 25, 2012 at 10:23 pm

“The Healthy Wee Little Irishman”
I’m a wee little Irishman, in my mommie’s belly.
Kickin’ and a squirmin’, it’s more fun than watching telly.
My daddy thinks he’s a tough guy.
But I show him.
With my best Alien move, I scare him off the couch.
We haven’t really met yet, but that oughtta give him an ouch.
Daddy’s sort of strange, he wiggles and pokes me like a bun.
I guess it’s his idea of having fun.
Someday I’ll grow up, and we’ll share a pint.
And remember the days when I was just a wee little lad …
Strong and healthy
Just like Dad.

kathy martin April 27, 2012 at 1:30 am

Gavan, Congratulations to you and your wife on the soon to be little Murphy. Enjoy every moment because they grow up too fast.Gavan if you could Help to delivery the little one it really does put a very extra love to it all, you’ll never forget. Good luck.

Gavan May 16, 2012 at 6:12 am

Hey guys, thanks for the comments and showing an interest in our almost here lil’ man. We chose Michelle as the winner with her great poem. We’re humbled she took the time to write it. My latest post shows what we sent her as a thank you.

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